Pilgrimage

Often times, a pilgrimage is a long journey that one chooses to take on for a distinct or special reason. The reason doesn’t always necessarily have to be in a religious context, but rather it can be a personal mission or goal one wishes to attain. The reasoning behind pilgrimages is usually based upon one’s desire to travel to a certain place because it holds a special meaning to them. Whether or not a pilgrimage will have much of an impact or change a person’s life, the action of the pilgrimage itself may sometimes be a comfort to a person, and leave them satisfied. The pilgrimage that I desire to take isn’t necessarily based on the idea of changing myself or becoming a better person; instead, the journey is one I wish to take in the hope that I will come to peace with something that has occurred in my past.
I was seven years old when my father died. He was an avionics technician who repaired airplanes. On December 23, 1996, my father decided to go with some of his friends (one of whom was a pilot) to test a plane they had been working on. The plane was in perfect condition when they took off, but unfortunately the pilot alcoholically impaired. Needless to say, the pilot crashed into a mountain and all the men on the plane including my dad didn’t survive. Because I was seven at the time, my mom didn’t feel comfortable bringing my brother and me with her to the crash site for the memorial service. I believe that was a wise decision on her part because of how emotional the time was for my brother and me, and especially because of the tenderness of our age.
However now, eleven years later, I often think about the crash site and the memorial service I couldn’t go to. The plane crashed into a mountain range located in West Virginia, and because I now live in New York, the site isn’t easily accessible. I’ve reached the age now where I have a strong desire to go see the site, and I feel that it is a journey I must take in order for me to come to peace with what has happened to my dad.
My mother and I plan on taking this trip next summer when I’m getting ready to head off to college. We have come to the agreement that when we arrive to West Virginia, I will go by myself to the site. The decision to go alone is a personal preference of mine. All my life I have struggled with my father’s death, and I know that going to the crash site has to be something that I take on by myself because it is only me who can end the constant struggle I’ve had for years. Since I have yet to go on this pilgrimage though, I can’t know what my exact reaction will be or what outcome the journey will hold for me. My idea is that when I get there, I will go through a series of various emotions. I know for a fact that I will be struck by grief, anger, and remorse, but I also know that upon further reflection and investigation of the site, I will develop the feeling of a close connection with my father. I think that just standing on the same ground and being in the area of where my father’s place crashed will have a great impact on me. My hope is that finally being at the site, I will be able to close that chapter of my life and try to move on to a different mindset concerning my dad’s death. I no longer want to mourn his loss, and worry about the pain and fear he may or may not have endured during his last moments; but rather, I wish to celebrate his life and keep his memory alive.
Although this pilgrimage is not for a religious purpose, it holds a very special and symbolic meaning for me. Each and every person has their individual reasons to go on a pilgrimage therefore; a journey for one person will be different from that of another. Also, pilgrimages are done for many different reasons and the outcome of these journeys will not be the same for everyone. I know that if another daughter of one of the men who died on the plane goes to visit the site, she will not have the same reaction as me, and her reasoning to go to the site will be different from mine, and that is exactly why pilgrimages are so special.